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Your 4th of July drinking game


June 30, 2015

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    Since the night our Founding Fathers signed the Declaration of Independance, fireworks have been a beloved Fourth of July tradition. (Okay, that might be a little anachronistic.) There’s really nothing like sitting in a field past your bedtime, nibbling on barbeque as mosquitos nibble on you while the lack of a breeze reminds you of the lack of patriotism you actually showed throughout the day.
   Spice things up at this year’s display with this nifty drinking game, fun for all ages above 21. And — for the love of God — do not play this if you’re the one handling the fireworks.
   

THE BEGINNING:
    Those moments leading up to the big bang and the first few booms
Take a sip if:
    You check your watch and think “Man, shouldn’t it have started?”
     You hear a child ask “When does it start.”
    You are caught off guard by how loud the boom of the first one was.
Take a shot if:
    A baby cries.
    A car alarm goes off.
Sympathy sip if:
    A nearby dog is frightened.

FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA:
    Whether you’re tired of standing, have an ant crawling up your arm or are genuinely enthralled by the colors, the actual show is the best part.
Take a sip if:
    There’s a firework that goes higher than the income tax used to pay for it.
    There’s an awkward pause between sets and you think “Wait, is that it?”
    You hear a kid say “wow.”
    You get a little emotional from remembering watching fireworks as a child.
Freedom bonus:
    Take a gulp every time a firework is not red, white, blue or gold.
Take a shot if:
    They do one of those fireworks that makes a smiley face or other shape.
    There’s a firework bigger than you expected.
     A fuse goes up but doesn’t actually explode.
Sympathy sip if:
    You see a dad uncomfortably holding a child and standing up through the duration of the show.

GRAND FINALE:
    Everyone knows the most impressive part of the show is the finale.
Take a sip if:
    You have to squint from the sheer epicness and brightness before you.
    You see an old person covering their ears.
    People start clapping by mistake because they thought it was over.
    You think, “Man, I hope that flaming piece of debris doesn’t blow into my car.”
Take a shot if:
     Frazzled mothers gather up their families to leave early in order to beat the traffic.
     You hear dogs barking in the distance.
     You get genuinely excited.
Sympathy sip if:
    You get a little sad it ended.

    Editor's note: Connect Statesboro does not condone drinking underage, drinking and driving, or public drunkenness. Fireworks are actually really cool; this article is in no way condemning the use of fireworks, even though it has an anti-fun tone. Do not drink and handle fireworks. If you do,  you will no longer have hands to type up a sassy comment under this article — and you will be fully deserving of the Darwin Award you will surely earn. Seriously. Fireworks + alcohol = very bad idea. We warned you.


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