FLYING FRUIT — A waitress and two customers barely escaped getting juiced when a man across the pond from GATA's decided to fire an orange at them using a large slingshot. He told police he didn't expect the citrus to fly as far as it did.

    DRUNK AND NUTS — Two men, intoxicated and stealing pecans, were caught on College Boulevard. Georgia law states pecans, regardless of whether they fall onto public property, belong to the owner of the tree. The men were not charged with theft but were arrested on public intoxication charges.

    BOW CHICKA WOW WOW — A West Inman Street man complained to police that a man he knows borrowed 40 erotic DVDs and then sold them.

    TAKE IT BACK — When a J.C. Penney clerk would not take an item back for exchange, citing the store’s policy, a customer choked her out of anger.

    ROOFTOP SHENANIGANS — A John Paul Avenue resident told police someone took a patio table and chairs and placed them on the roof.

    STATUE STEALING — Someone tried to steal one of the metal children statues from the fountain on North Main Street, but they only managed to carry it three blocks before abandoning it. Police later recovered the statue.

    PLANTNAPPING — A man and woman entered Hobby Lobby, grabbed as many fake plants as they could carry, and fled the store without being stopped.

    ‘TIS THE SEASON — Or, maybe not. A Two Chop Road, Portal, man argued with a woman who refused to season the chicken he was going to cook. The argument became heated enough for someone to call the law.

    STARTING EARLY — A 10-year-old was arrested for having an alcoholic beverage at Mattie Lively Elementary School.

    RUB-A-DUB-DUB — Passed out in the tub; water overflowed, soaked the abode. A Centennial Place resident was found passed out in the bathtub after other residents complained of water damage in their units. The tub was running and flooded the apartment.

    ROAD SLEEPING — What better place to take a nap?  A sheriff’s deputy awakened a man who was sleeping very close to GA Highway 24. The man, reeking of alcohol, asked the deputy why he was bothering him. The man was arrested on public intoxication charges.

    SWIMMING WITH THE FISHES — A Tiffany Court woman told deputies someone damaged items on her property and used her koi pond as a swimming pool. They left clothing behind, but the fish were unharmed.

    NO HABLA ESPAÑOL — A Park Place Apartments woman called police because she and a man argued over her wanting him to speak English around her and her children. He refused and spoke only Spanish.

    FEED STORE ROMANCE — An employee of Agri-Supply freaked out and called deputies when a man offered to buy her a new outfit, asked her out on a date and then said he wanted to marry her. Deputies questioned the starry-eyed Romeo, who admitted wanting to marry the woman. He also had written her a letter, which is on file, along with the deputy’s report.

    WEIRD THEFT — A woman said two men stole a salad bar from a location on U.S. 301 South. They were arrested at Allied Metals.

    CAUGHT RED-LIPPED — Two underage men were stopped on Langston Chapel Road after the driver made an illegal U-turn. One admitted drinking a red-colored alcoholic beverage, but the other denied doing so, “despite his red colored lips and surround facial/mouth area,” according to the deputy’s reports. The car smelled of burned marijuana, and one suspect admitted he had been smoking weed. Both were arrested for underage drinking.

    MEN IN BLACK — A man at Mckelveen Road, Brooklet, told Bulloch County Sheriff’s deputies three men claiming to be law enforcement officers handcuffed him and placed him in an SUV, questioning him about a shoplifting incident “in the city.” They wore suits and ties and had badges, he said.

    EAGLE ARRESTED — GSU Eagle football defensive tackle Brent Russell was arrested during the early-morning hours after Statesboro Police responded to a fight at University Place. Russell reportedly was asked to leave the scene but refused. He was arrested on charges of disorderly conduct and obstruction of an officer.