Psy-ops: It's time to get inside their helments

September 01, 2010 Jake Hallman

jake@connectstatesboro.com

    For the longest time, I wasn’t really that much of a GSU football fan. Sure, I wanted the Eagles to win. Heck, if they were in a playoff game, I might even watch or listen to it on the radio. But I didn’t go to the games, and I surely didn’t sit in the student section while I was at GSU.
    (Confession time — from the age of 4 to about 15 or so, my Dad, a die-hard UGA graduate, took me and my brother to darn near every Bulldogs home game. I don’t wear UGA apparel any more, though, and promise that if I go to any games this season with Dad, I’ll wear a red thong on my head.)
    What changed? A lot. First, I got some photo assignments to be an on-field photographer for GSU games. Editor extraordinaire and photographer Eddie Ledbetter told me that I wouldn’t be prepared for both the speed and size of these guys, and he was right. There’s drama and passion there, and it made a convert out of me.
    So now I’m a fan. And I’m more than a little regretful that I missed out on the student section hijinks during my tenure at Georgia Southern. However, in the interest of getting some new NCAA rules passed, good video for the televised games and making the games waaaay more entertaining for any non-football fans who’ve been dragged along, I’ve got some ideas for some startling feats of psychological warfare the student section could pull off this year.
    (Disclaimer time — I don’t know if these are violations of any rules, so don’t blame me if you get kicked out. GSU athletics tends to not have much of a sense of humor, especially if you’re holding a sign advocating the firing of the university’s athletic director.)
    1. Vuvuzelas. Sure, they’re banned at all future World Cup events. But think about the terrible effects it would have on the other team’s offensive play-calling if a few hundred students were circular-breathing through ‘em? Beehives of Hell, indeed. As a bonus, get a sponsorship and have a business logo monogrammed on the side.
    2. Flip-cards. No, we’re not talking about simple pranks like the “Great Rose Bowl Hoax of 1961.” We’re not talking about spelling out words. It’s time to get a little more involved. I’d like to see the entire student section holding up cards that make up a giant mosaic featuring a Photoshopped picture of Wofford or Furman’s quarterback’s girlfriend kissing another guy. Or their coach in lacy women’s underwear. Maybe an App State Mountaineer engaging in some “hot hot hot” activity with a cousin. Be creative, and you’ll be a Sports South TV legend for all time.
    3. Research. Musician and rabid Eagle fan Bryan Clark is a master of this. Find players who have public Facebook profiles. Do a little legwork. Google ‘em. Find out exactly what psychological buttons to push to rattle them. Heck, offer them glossy 8x10 pictures of their mom with their coach, then show them said pictures — there are some graphic design majors who are scary good with Photoshop, by the way.
    4. Shunning. Hat tip to the Hanner Hooligans here — go Amish on the opposition. When they take the field, all they’ll see is a sea of blue backs. Act like they’re not even there. Call them the wrong team name. Heck, take it up to 11 and have an entire row dress up as Pentecostal ministers and give the other team the Westboro Baptist Church treatment (“God Hates Phoenixes”).
    5. Air assault. This one might be expensive, so take up a collection. Everybody’s seen the planes buzzing about Paulson with banners. Make the banners interesting, especially to the other team. Like, f’rinstance, Savannah State quarterback A.J. DeFilippis. I wonder how he’d react to a banner with things like “A.J. likes watching ‘Desperate Housewives.’” Give the players professions of love from other players. Have their girlfriends propose to them. Suggest that they lose their scholarships. Have fun with it.
Yes, I know that suggesting that fans try to mess with the other team is shockingly, unbelievably irresponsible. But hey, that’s what fans do. Theoretically, football’s some scholarly, gentlemanly game of chess played out on the gridiron — but no one watches theoretical football.
    So student section, go forth and engage in psy-ops. Just take care to make sure that you only ruin the opposing player’s enjoyment of the game, not anyone else’s.
    Unless you go with the vuvuzela idea, that is. But hey, it’s for the greater good of a seventh flag on the flagpole, so you’ll be forgiven.
    Actually, vuvuzelas are pretty unforgivable.

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