More noise, please

Towards a more business-friendly ordinance

August 18, 2010 Jake Hallman

jake@connectstatesboro.com

    I had a good weekend. Granted, I had planned to mow the lawn, but all the rain made sure that wasn't going to happen.
    Instead, I ended up going to Buffalo's two nights in a row — and going anywhere two nights in a row that isn't somewhere I sleep is a rare occurrence.
    The popular area venue's had a bit of a noise problem lately. Friday, I ended up helping Matt Fallin, drummer for the Chris Mitchell Band, move his equipment from the outside stage to the inside stage.
    Why? First, drummers need all the help they can get lugging stuff. Second, no one had told him that the CMB was going to be performing inside.
    It was necessary, y'see, because neighbors have complained about the noise coming from bands playing on Buffalo's outside deck.
    Granted, I've called in a few noise complaints in my time, mostly when I was living over on Oneal Drive and the neighbors were setting each other on fire at four in the morning before a Connect deadline night.
    But the situation with Buffalo's is a bit different. If you're living in nearby proximity to a place that has an outside performance space, there's a certain level of sound that's got to be accounted for.
    I live near Statesboro High. If I called in a noise complaint when I can hear the Friday night football games in my kitchen, I'm sure the nice officers would laugh at me.
    And can you imagine someone trying to explain to GSU's campus cops that the Tim McGraw show at Paulson Stadium was keeping them from quietly studying in their apartment?
    But, alas, the city ordinances don't make many allowances for that kind of thing, and Buffalo's has been hit for noise ordinance violations more than once. The same thing's also happened at KBob Kelly's, and other places around town.
    It's pretty basic, really. If you choose to live near a place where noise happens, don't be surprised when noise happens. It's not like Statesboro isn't awash in empty apartments and houses right now.
    Granted, you might be screwed on the terms of your lease, but that's another column entirely.
    So that was Friday night. Chris and company put on a great show, as far as I know no police came calling with a decibel meter, and all was well.
    Saturday night, the day of Buffalo's big Statesboro Blues Festival, the bands performed outside. In fact, Buffalo's bought a special permit from the city to make sure it was cool that bands played on the deck.
    In light of all this, Statesboro's noise ordinances are probably due for an overhaul, and, as usual, I've got an idea.
    First, take a look at the noise ordinance some time. It's deliciously vague. In fact, it's illegal for any club to have music going on — live or recorded — that is "plainly audible" off-premises.
    Businesses have an out, though. For the princely sum of $15 plus a $100 deposit, they can get a "permit to exceed." As always, there's a catch, however.
    Under the city's noise ordinance, businesses can only get two permits between January and June, and two between July and December.
    So much for having big outdoor shows.
    There's a solution to this, though — an annually renewable "permit to exceed." It'd even make some money for our cash-strapped city.
    I propose an ordinance that would let businesses have live music outdoors until midnight on weekdays and until 1 a.m. on Fridays and Saturdays if they've bought a permit and don't have any alcohol ordinance violations.
    Charge some money for the annual permit (presumably more than the $60 maximum that the city could get under the existing system), and set a reasonable decibel limit as "noise," say the existing ordinance's 90db within 50 feet.
    And to the folks who have chosen to live close to a venue... well, tough. You're living close to a music venue.
    Update:
    The idiotic furor over plans for a Muslim community center two blocks from Ground Zero reminds me of another brief and just-as-idiotic controversy from a few years ago in Statesboro.
    The Statesboro Herald blogs erupted a while back when a big ol' shiny dome, gleaming in the sun, went up on some construction over at Buckhead Shopping Center.
    Apparently that scared some of Statesboro's more panty-waisted citizens, who practically soiled themselves at the prospect of a mosque going up.
    Turns out it was the new El Sombrero.
    The more things change, the more they stay the same. Muslims are fine, terrorists aren't. Same way Christians are fine, but abortion clinic bombers aren't. See the distinction?
    Apparently not everyone does.
    Jake Hallman is interim editor of Connect Statesboro. He can be reached via e-mail at jake@connectstatesboro.com, or at (912) 489-9405.

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